Saying “No” by Saying “Yes”
Being aware of what you're committing to and what you could be filling your time with instead.
What we’re getting into today…
Question: What are you saying “No” to when you say “Yes” to something else?
Being aware that time is not infinite means that with every commitment you make you’re making a trade off.
We explore how I effectively assess priorities when debating “Yes” or “No”, and you try it out too!
Here at Graham Friendly we’ve spent time covering topics related to habit building, goal setting, and time management. All outlining the importance of finding it in yourself to optimize your time and positively impact your day.
Good Routine, Great Habits - The importance of building great systems and how to make your habits easier to adopt.
Kicking the All or Nothing Mindset - Setting better goals in an effort to help you achieve more!
The Anti To-Do List - Being mindful of everything that you should not be doing, in addition to what you want to get done.
What each of these have in common is that they help you understand how to maximize your time across a normal day. But obviously not every day is normal.
What about obligations that come up from other facets of your life? Things like work happy hours, weekend trips, spending time with friends… Requests that will take time away from your day and potentially take time away from something else you value.
At a younger age, no commitment seemed too big as time seemed endless and my energy always available. But as I’ve gotten older and my baseline level of commitment (pets, kids, family, work, etc.) has increased to a point where saying “Yes” has more of an impact that it previously did.
Saying “No” by Saying “Yes”
In a world where time is limited, each commitment you make means you are not able to fill that time with something else. More directly, for every “Yes” there is a “No”.
Here are a few examples that I’ve recently encountered -
Saying “Yes” to an evening with friends means saying “No” to doing bath time with our daughter.
Saying “Yes” to that trip to the mall means saying “No” to Graham’s afternoon walk.
Saying “Yes” to a second glass of wine means saying “No” to my morning workout.
Strategies for Evaluating Your "Yes"
Life is full of trade offs and there are only so many hours in the day. I certainly don’t avoid other commitments as I very much love being a part of other peoples lives, but I do make sure I am aware of the trade offs I am making.
The best way I’ve found to do this evaluation is to understand where it fits within my priorities, how committing will impact other areas, and the full time commitment I’m signing up for.
Prioritization: Assess the importance and urgency of the commitment. Is this something that needs to be done right now?
Impact on Other Areas: Consider how the commitment affects other areas of your life. Does the trade off impact multiple other habits or commitments?
Long-Term Consequences: Think about the long-term impact of your decision. Am I signing up for a one time thing or is this something that I’m committing to for a longer period?
Now Take Action
Grab a piece of paper. Draw a line down the middle of the page and label the left side “Yes” and the right side “No”.
Review the last week or so and write down commitments that were out of routine for you under the “Yes” column. What were you not able to do based on saying “Yes” to that commitment? Write those down in the right column.
This simple activity is a great way to reflect on what you (or those around you) might be missing out on just by saying “Yes” to something else.
Now the idea is not to become a hermit and never say “Yes” to anything. Actually it’s quite the opposite. By understanding what you are saying “Yes” to and therefore “No” to, it will give you time to do even more of what you actually WANT and/or NEED to do.
Sam & Graham