Kick the All or Nothing Mindset
And how incorrectly framing your goals is keeping you from accomplishing them.
Whole 30, 75 hard, the next great 8 week challenge... If you’re anything like me you constantly set sky-high, almost unobtainable goals in every aspect of your life.
I find myself thinking… going big and throwing yourself at a goal is the only way you’ll really see an impact. Yet, it becomes only a matter of time before the crush of defeat occurs as that big thing becomes too big (or a new big goal takes its place).
Like many busy dog moms that juggle the demands of personal, professional, and pet care responsibilities, I often fall victim to this "all or nothing" mindset.
But honestly it’s a trap.
A trap where I get tricked into thinking that if I can't do something perfectly, it's not worth doing at all.
The Pitfalls of All or Nothing Thinking
I’ve found this extreme form of thinking to be detrimental in several ways.
First, it significantly heightens my stress and leads to burnout, as the pressure to achieve it “all” is both relentless and unrealistic.
Secondly, it can causes me to miss out on beneficial experiences simply because they might not go perfectly.
Lastly, it negatively impacts my mental health, leading to anxiety and a blow to your self-esteem.
This is especially true with tasks, challenges, resolutions that require a certain activity to happen every day. There is inevitably something that comes up, a day gets missed, and the “challenge” is over.
Reframing Your Goals
What I have found to be the biggest step in combating this mindset is to set realistic expectations and reframe your goals.
To do this you must accept that life is about balance and compromise, and perfect outcomes are the exception, not the rule.
Acknowledge the power of small steps — celebrate the little victories along your journey, and set yourself up to “catch back up” and ultimately achieve your goal over a longer period of time.
Don’t sweat the small losses — Learn to embrace flexibility over perfection. If a goal becomes unrealistic, adjust it rather than abandon it. This adaptability can lead to greater success and satisfaction.
Examples of how to reframe your goals
There are multiple ways to think about goals differently. Below are are a couple ways that I like to broaden the opportunity for success by providing myself with more time or more options.
Reframing goals from daily to weekly
Working out for 30 minutes a day vs. working out for 3.5 hours a week.
Walk Graham 3 miles a day vs. 21 miles a week.
The outcomes are the same (or similar), but allow for flexibility and support. If we miss one day of walking, we can still hit our goal by going for an extended walk on the weekend.
Reframing the scope of a goal
Brushing Graham’s teeth every night vs. Emphasizing Dental Hygiene
Sticking to a strict low carb diet vs. Focusing on clean eating
I’ve found that broadening the scope reduces overall pressure by not being so specific. The likelihood that I stick to the habits I establish increases when the number of ways I can reach my goal equally increases.
Our Reframing Success Story
Before baby Sis, Graham and I were religious about our 3 mile morning walk. We’d go to the park, stop at Starbucks, and some days even extend it to check out what was happening at the pier.
After Sis, things changed. Turns out, sitting in the stroller for over AN HOUR was no fun for a baby…weird!
This made me feel like a failure. No longer could we meander as we please, taking the long way home if we felt like it. We didn’t want to give it up, but I was stuck in my All or Nothing Mindset!
With time being the constraint, my first thought was to shorten the walk. But that left Graham looking for more. Even at 4 years old he still has puppy energy!
My second solution was to rush it. Pick up the pace and shorten the time. But any bump in the road (sometimes literally) would have us far from home with an upset baby.
Ultimately, the answer was to reframe the goal. We didn’t need to get it all done in one fell swoop. We kept the same daily target, but broke it up into two (sometimes three) walks. That way everyone is happy - Graham gets his miles in and Sis isn’t stuck in a stroller for to long.
The shift of we CAN’T do this anymore, to how can we still achieve our goals was a game changer!
Kicking the all or nothing mindset doesn't mean lowering your standards. It means setting yourself up for success by being reasonable with your goals and kind to yourself in the process. Remember, progress—not perfection—is what truly matters.
Sam & Graham